Dating a man who is separated but not divorced

For the number of men who claim to be destitute and “victims of an unfair legal system”, you’d think there’d be a line-up of trucks parked by the Bow River with separated dads living out of them.Please, before you buy into his tale of woe, veer on the skeptical side.When he minimizes or avoids the topic, however, it suggests that either he has not yet worked through all the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance); or, he hasn’t yet hashed through the legalities (or possibly even begun). He can’t just flick it off his shoulder as he would a bug. Anger is a normal and healthy phase for your separated man to go through.

The high and excitement of getting involved with you is essentially distracting him from the pain of his divorce.

( still married; just saying…) Now before anyone accuses me of picking on men, let me hasten to say that separated women can be just as “challenging” to date as separated men.

In fact, I pity any man who dated me when I was separated; I was messed up, and didn’t even know it!

If you chose to proceed in dating him, I caution you to proceed slowly and with eyes wide open. Comments like, “Bah, I just want it over,” or “Doesn’t matter, we’ve been strangers for years,” may seem casual, even confident — but they also mask what’s going on underneath and behind the scenes.

When a man has truly processed his divorce and moved on, he should be able to speak to it with compassion, kindness, and wisdom.

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